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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Is This Normal?
One of my co-workers is getting married in just a few short weeks. We have been sharing stories about weddings, ideas, etc.

We are both on the same page. We are no where near this.....

We're wondering. Is this normal?

See. Here's the thing. I know my co-worker and I are looking forward to being married. You know--sharing your life with someone, sharing a bank account and then asking the future hubs about his $400 purchase at Best Buy, wondering when and if he will ever rinse his dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, and if it is best to either invest in twin beds or a king size bed because he turns into a human burrito each night with the blankets.

I cannot speak with my co-worker on this point however (though I think she feels somewhat similar): Why in the world do we have to have a wedding to begin with?

This is where I think I'm not normal.
I'm far from bridezilla.
But I'm not even all that excited for the wedding.

The marriage? Yes.
The wedding? Not so much.

I don't want to walk down the aisle (seriously).
I don't even want to spend money on flowers (I'm going fake. Thankyouverymuch).
The idea of a bridal shower makes me groan.
The Knot website makes me gag.
If I have to see another "wedding idea board" with cut out photos of hair styles, flowers and center pieces, I'm going to scream.

I've got a stomach ache right now just typing this.

Because I'm not the giddy bride, I wonder what is wrong with me. I have found myself asking lately, "If I was marrying (enter ex-boyfriend's name here), would I be feeling different?" The answer to that question is a big, fat NO.

Every little argument that the Big Guy and I have lately (for the record--they're all stupid little arguments), I wonder, "If we were married would this be grounds for divorce?"

It frustrates me that I feel like I have to do the dress, the flowers, the favors, the cake, the music etc. I know that I can do what ever I want because it's my day. But honestly, I feel like I'm going to be letting down my parents and future in-laws.

The last thing I need is my mother on her death bed saying, "....and I never got to see you get married!"

As an only child...this is a lot of pressure.

Really, what I want, is to just do it already. I really just want to go down to my grandparents church, stand in front of Pastor Carrie and say, "Yes, I do, now where do I sign?"

Bloggy readers...help me. Is this normal or do I need to look at seeing a therapist?


Mommy of M's said...

I think its normal, why spend money you don't have on something you don't want?

Plus I think living with someone before the marriage changes one's outlook in the wedding. You are already 'together' why have a big show about it!

Why not skip the weeding andd have a party for friends and family?

Rebecca Jo said...

I think you are totally normal... I know quite a few women like you who dont care for the "shin-dig" of it... & others who are totally 100% OUT OF THEIR MINDS about a wedding... whatever suits you - DO! Why cant a simple thing be good enough so your family can "see" you getting married. A little get together, a simple dress - a nice dinner?

I actually LOVE that you are more excited about the MARRIAGE & not the wedding.. sadly, I've seen many the other way & that dont last!

hulagirlatheart said...

I think it's normal...and definitely the RIGHT way to feel. What about calling the family on the spur of the moment this Saturday and telling them to be at the church at 2pm for your vows in front of Pastor Carrie and afterward everybody comes to your house to grill hot dogs and hamburgers? You could tell them each to pick up one flower of their choice from the corner market or convenience store and then put them together for your bouquet. You could also have plenty of disposable cameras for them to take photos. Just a thought.

Sticky (not too) said...

Oh I hope it's normal! I felt very much the same way. Now, don't get me completely wrong - we had a wedding. But it was put on by my hubby and I. we had the ceremony by a Justice of the Peace in out hotel room with a bout 20 family and friends. A wife of a friend made a cake and then we had a big party afterwards. Very simple and cheap. I did work at the hotel so the room was really nice and my chef did food - but it was just "stand around with a plate" appetizers. The bestest part og your whole post is that the marriage is more important to you. I think that is the best thing in the entire world! You GO girl! Do whatever YOU want. You want to look back in 20, 50 years and be happy with what you did. Do it your way and be proud.

Dorkys Ramos said...

I don't think anything's wrong with you. To each their own, no? Just because you'd rather not spend all this money on one day, doesn't make you weird. In fact, I'd even say you'd be smart to save up for the lifetime that comes after the wedding day. You know, to buy a house, car, pay bills, raise children, etc.

JJ said...

As the soon-to-be sister-in-law (the one and only), I can say that we would not be disappointed if you didn't want the big wedding (or medium wedding, etc). Do what makes you happy. If it's a resonable amount of people, I'll even make cakes!

Caren said...

I'm right there with you. Being excited about your marriage (vs. wedding) shows so much about who you are and what is important to you. Your relationship with the man you love. The future ahead of you...together. Weddings come and go (trust me - I've had 3 - yes 3) and this last one I let him plan the entire thing. All I did was throw on a pretty dress and show up on time. It was simple (we got married in someone's backyard on a cliff overlooking the ocean in Hawaii), we had the most important people in the world with us (our kids and parents), we talked about our foundation and our future. A wedding is a big event for one day...a marriage is a lifetime commitment. Nice to know you see what is really important!

Anonymous said...

LOVE that you're more excited about the marriage! That's not to say that you can be excited about the marriage AND the wedding, but the focus is on the marriage. I think people should start having less "lavish" weddings and then throw great parties on their anniversaries - celebrate the fact that the marriage is thriving after the fact rather than before it even starts! Besides, it'd be a great excuse to get together with loved ones every year and celebrate something meaningful :)

Kelley - do whatever you want, whenever you want. I get that you don't want to disappoint anyone, but your loved ones will be happy for you no matter what.

The Daily Dean Chronicals said...

YOU ARE TOTALLY NORMAL! It's your day to remember..not somebody elses! Do it for yourself!

Tracy Griffin - Artist said...

I don't need to remind you that his is YOUR wedding. YOU get to make the decisions and YOU get to do whatever makes YOU happy! This time, honey, it really is all about YOU!

Hey, who's the co-worker getting married too?

Shelley said...

I totally get what you are saying...we should just have eloped and been done with it.
We were still just as married. And we would have been a lot less stressed to start our life together that's for sure.