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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Not Knowing is the Worst!
If you haven't heard, I'm getting married.
To this guy.

In this garden. In May. When snow will be on the ground, I'm sure.

He'll have this on his jacket.

I'll have this in my hand.

I'll have this on my finger.

And I'll be listening to the vows read to me by my friend Jake.
I'll stand there, listening to words and stories and quotes.
The Big Guy's sister will read a little something (which I have yet to pick out).
We'll say I do.
We'll kiss.
We'll take photos.
We'll go to the restaurant on a lake and eat.
The Big Guy and I will go off somewhere.
I'll probably crash from exhaustion.
He'll be bummed. (ha!)

But what I'm having a hard time with is what will it feel like.

Not the difference between married and not married. I'm talking about the feeling of standing there. In front of your family. Wearing a dress you'll never wear again, in shoes that are none too sensible, holding flowers that will die in 2 days.

What does it feel like?

Are you nervous?
Are you able to look anyone in the eye without busting into tears?
And if you do cry, are you crying because you're scared? Or because you can't believe you are, indeed, an adult, and doing grown up things?

I'm trying to prepare myself for what this till be like. I told Rebecca Jo the other day on her blog when she wrote about the subject of worrying, "it's sorta like when I had my wisdom teeth out. I was a wreck. But then the first one came out and I was like 'that's it?' and before you knew it I was walking out of the office and headed home to recover."

Is it like that?
You are a nervous wreck, you feel like your stomach is in your throat, and then you do it and you're fine--but you never want to do it again?

Because if I can get a shot of nitrous oxide before doing this, I may be OK. After all, that's all I had when I had my wisdom teeth pulled (that and Novocaine).

(I'll pass on the Novocaine. I'd like to be able to eat without biting my tongue.)

(or drooling.)


hulagirlatheart said...

I was nervous but excited. I'm a control freak, so I was worried about everyone doing "his job" well. I thought my heart would burst as they opened the doors for me to enter, but when I looked at my dad, and he was smiling, I knew everything was going to be fine. I quit being nervous, grabbed his arm and never looked back. It was a great day, and no one cried! Don't worry! Just enjoy. It's a day to treasure.

Rebecca Jo said...

It is just a big party to me where you're the center of attention... not a feeling that much in marriage as before or after... for me anyways.

I know my wedding day - I just laughed the whole day.. even through the vows. My husband will play the video & I'm literally cracking up the WHOLE time. People from behind was wondering if I was crying (sobbing!!!) or laughing... those that knew me knew it was laughter... maybe I was on that laughing gas!! :)

Just enjoy it - it'll go by so fast. Try & take in every minute of it because it will be the most unforgettable day of your life.. (no pressure - right?) - haha!!

Anonymous said...

Any tears, are tears of happiness, not fear. You'll realize as Jake is talking that you have become a part of the larger whole. That when holding Andy's hand you can make it through anything. And yes, you have graduated to grownup. It's a long journey with many speed bumps but well worth the ride. And if you think your mother is not going to shed a tear or two you need to rethink that. I'm on the trail to finding the best waterproof mascara out there. love, mom

Tracy Griffin - Artist said...

I will be peeking through those bushes and poking you with a stick!

As you and I have talked about this coming wedding and have shared ideas and plans and color choices for your invitations... I've always seen the glint in your eye. This is right, Kelley. And, when it's right, nothing else really matters. You could be getting married at the JOP and it would still be right.

You wonder what it will feel like? Only you will be able to tell us... the day after. :)

Caren said...

Well Kelley. I say don't try to prepare for it... just experience it. Whether you cry, laugh or become quiet... it will be just the way it is supposed to be for you!

I have a bit of experience in this arena as I have now been married 3 times. So I'll give you a brief over view of my emotions.

Thing one... young, scared and nervous
Thing two...(catching onto the theme?) ... nauseaus (which later proved to be on the money - we didn't last long)
Present ... HAPPY. I was so happy and smiled the entire time. Guess this one was the one for me.

Given my experience - you can see that it is hard to prepare. Just "be there" and have a marvelous time. I can't wait to see pictures!!!

Amy said...

I cry at every wedding, yet, I didn't cry at my own. To this day it still surprises me. I was excited and nervous and I honestly expected to cry as soon as I heard the processional. But I didn't. I was beaming the whole time and so was my groom. I remember wishing the ceremony would go on longer, I didn't want it to end.

Take it all in and enjoy!